If you want to close the gap, try making a regular date night where you can focus on each other without distractions. I am a spontaneous, energetic, social and active person. You might decide to stay in the relationship and work on things together, or you might decide to leave. Donna, he may indeed suffer from depression. Giz, you one of the most remarkable people I have met on this journey. Of course, theres more to a relationship than physical attractionbut it is important. Eg, unfortunately with my h cousin it, she thought it was and when it looked like she could use it she threw herself at him like a bitch on heat. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. When that didnt seem to work, more bad mouthing me, more wanting my family. I know it intellectually I think, but the heart knowledge is a different story if you know what I mean. She will never understand the pain she caused me and our children. Im totally fascinated by what people have to say about infidelity and its helpful in challenging myself about what I think. Now he only changes underwear and showers once a week. It had an article about trauma recovery that said basically you are healed when you can review the trauma in a non emotional way. I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and we have a 8 week old daughter together. I know now we got pregnant way too early after the affair becuse Im obviously still struggling in the aftermath. I have complete clarity on this issue in my mind. You absolutely tell it like it is. How profound. Here, here! Not exactly good party talk! Dear The HPV Question, First, I want to make sure you still have HPV. PS. 3. Make sure you can handle your luggage easily. Oh, I know, EG. 6. Thankfully, my h told her, there is no way I will take the children away from their mother. The cheating spouse still seems to be calling the shots. He's in good form from the minute he wakes up (unlike me). Like go to the grocery store, go to the pool, go to sport practice, go anywhere! Well, my court date for Friday was cancelled because the ex couldnt make it. Before we got married, he kept himself clean. Peace of trash she is, I see even more with that comment she made how she wanted my children, as well as my h, I cam only imagine the bad things she told my h to get him on her side with that idea, having him think I was a terrible mother as well as wife. was I the one responsible for what I did? 3. I felt gutted. I try to engage him and put energy into our relationship and it helps for a few days then he is back to doing nothing. Exercise Grace, I totally agree. On the contrary, everyone needs quality time with their loved ones. It was his brokenness and going into self-destruct mode. Respecting his wishes will go a long way in making him feel more inclined to spend time with you. Yes, it SUCKS the big one and I struggle to deal with the profound disappointment, frustration and anger towards him and I dont like myself anymore because Ive lost respect for him and Im irritable all the time. All lies he makes up to mess with her head. My h would tell me, he didnt want her on medication, in the next breathe he would tell me to go take medication. He lied to her, manipulated her, made her promises he didnt keep. In fact, that is one of the explanations we have for one our friends. I do absolutley everything on my own. Its not shallow to want to be with someone who desires you. Find ways to bond over shared experiences: taking a walk, cooking dinner, going to a concert or sporting event, or playing a board game or cards together. The problem isn't your job. Liz Pardue-Schultz and her husband Greg Schultz Silver Charm Photography Many people in relationships often feel obligated to accompany their partners to events they don't want to go to,. The money he gets will be spent and gone. Lol. He has become a public figure, and the repercussions are potentially enormous. For many years I have silently said to myself (as my husband worked almost 80 hours/week and let vacation time go because he was too busy to take time off), I told myself to hang in there, itll work out at some point. So his solution might be to avoid you, to not spend time around you. My husband never wants to go out and do things. It was his stress and depression and need for escape. Most partners want to make their S/O happy so tell them how. I hate how uncomfortable and insecure this makes me feel in our marriage. The body can pass the infection. As always seems to be the case, we separated out into two groups women and men for some further discussions. You can also look for ways to connect during the day, like taking a walk together or sharing a coffee break. I don't think . What should I do if my husband never wants to do anything with me? I value your opinion so I really appreciate your comments. For example, suppose hes always putting his buddies before you or bailing on plans because hed rather do something else. They are NOT as unhappy as they profess themselves to be. I dont really think badly of my husband. With empty nesthood approaching fast they were concerned that the rest of their lives were going to be lifeless and dull. She was not invested like I was. Do you ever feel that your husband is getting further and further away from you? You need to stop fearing an argument, You need to communicate the issues that are going on and ask him why he thinks using depression to not do things you don't want to do. Don't suppress your desire and build up resentment. I have to beg him. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. This blog post will discuss the ten most common reasons why your spouse might not want to spend time with you and what you can do about it. This is not an all-inclusive list. Not even for the kids. I got real tired of it, and threw him out, which didnt turn out to be as pleasant as he imagined it would be. Literally in our home, in our space, with a very good friend all part of a couple etc.. a friendship grew and grew and he did nothing at all to stop it. That said, anyone who knows my husband and I would say that HE is the boring one; ie, wants to stay home, etc. I believe that is why most BS wouldnt even think about entering an affair, really who had the time and energy. My husband retired last year and although he has time to do things, he does nothing. What about commitment as a daily choice? My husband said you dont know what was going on his life, what he was dealing with, etc. SHOW NOTES To see pictures of Stacy on some of his many climbing . She said the same thing about being bored and finding excitement. If we can love and forgive and we are both willing to work hard, I do believe it can be regained. Doug, Linda, anyone elseone topic I would love to see discussed: how do you handle ti when the topic of affairs comes up in discussion with friends, etc. . they are dependent on those activities. We have a son who lives in Australia and he would not even go see him. Your boys sound wonderful, and your husband is an idiot. He's Totally Stopped Texting You Back. It will always throw things twenty steps back. The day-to-day grind of work, errands, and childcare can make it hard to find time for each other, and you conclude: My husband doesn t like spending time with my family and me. This is especially true if you have different schedules or live in other places. My husband never wants to go anywhere . 22/07/2018 09:47. Great comment, I am just sorry that your wife didnt wake up and realize how lucky she was to have someone who was so committed to their marriage and family. What to do when my husband never wants to do anything with me? Now he puts extra hours at work and prefers to spend time with his friends. This is bonding time. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. During our false R, I too felt like a fool, like I was being used. Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married one year. You have to commit, for better or worse. He will not permit me to go out with friends or anywhere even the grocery store without his being with me. If that something is lacking so severely than they would simply LEAVE. You might be unwittingly putting distance between yourself and your partner by being too busy. My husbands job was mainly to just show up and participate. Rewind 10 years ago and I was a single 25-year-old freshly off finishing grad school at NYU who was moving to start a new chapter and a new job in Austin. He is always focused on himself. And sometimes, those things come first. At least you are trying. For nearly twenty five years before the affair he had a very traditional marriage, by both of our choices. I kind of envy the people who say.we were on the verge of divorce before the affair and I can kind of see why it happened. Here are 15 signs of an unhappily married man. ULK I hate it all for everyone but I am trying to be the constant for him. The excitement and stimulation came from the illicitness of what they were doing sneaking around on their spouses like teenagers. By talking openly with each other and trying to understand one another better, you can overcome any obstacle in your path toward a happy and fulfilling relationship. Exercise grace, this is exactly the kind of thing I was trying to get through to Eyes Opened about. the list goes on and on and on. The term refers to being "dependent" on another person and putting their needs before your own by engaging in people-pleasing behavior and caregiving. If someone's lack of response has become a. And Im but judging her about this, Im just commenting on it. Please make sure you read our rules here. Something along the lines of, well if he was happy he wouldnt be with me. First, talk to him about how youre feeling and see if theres anything he can do to change the situation. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). The lack of attention you are receiving from your husband could possible be due to his attraction to someone else. During a dinner with Lala and the "You're Gonna Love Me" podcast host, 36, Raquel admitted that she liked Tom, 40, but . Too painful and once I would start I wouldnt know where to stop! Apparently its not caused by lack of love at all, but probably more likely due to the lack of newness, adventure and passion. Real boyfriends take their girlfriends out on dates. When hes wrinkly, shriveled, and losing his faculties he will know in his heart and probably mind too that he caused destruction. Rachel When your partner has your back, they'll be able to say those three important words sincerely and out loud in front of other people. Take time to let the responses settle in, and strive not to be defensive," she says. Oh, one more thing. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. This isnt personal its a symptom of their mental illness. Any ideas? Read More All related (100+) Sort Recommended JMMendez So making comments and getting feedback really helps me. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Yes, you guessed ittheir husbands. We never get invited out anywhere together as a couple. Kind of hard though. If that makes sense. I am 62 and he is 70, maybe its his age. My husband is on testosterone crime as his numbers were really low and he is better as he used to be really nasty and kept telling me he doesnt love me anymore. I need to get that back, John and chiff, I need to start feeling good about myself again. Guess thats why she cant keep a man or have a real relationship. You can be bored, stressed, depressed, or a whole host of other emotions on ANY given day. 6. Suppose your husband has started working longer hours, studying for a big test, or training for a marathon. Just not appropriate to do so with anyone else. Also when a person complains about being bored they are often bored with themselves not their marriages or spouses. but thats not our problem. I'd go with an ultimatum: remind him you're not his servant, nor a . Suggest ways to wind down together after a long day instead of just vegging out in front of the TV. For years, the six of us and all of our kids would go camping and do other stuff together several times a year. You might feel like youre not good enough or that hes finding someone else to replace you. If your husband used to spend a lot of time with you and now you complain: my husband never wants to do anything with me, it can be confusing and hurtful. 1. This way, your husband knows that youre serious about wanting to spend time with him, and he wont feel like hes being nagged. I feel trapped and I dont want to live life separately from him, but I really have no choice but to move on and do things on my own. Now, us men stood there and talked about the normal stuffsports, work, kids and yes, one of the other guys did do just a little wife-bashing. Devoted my life to him and my children..worked at a job I hated for the money and where am I know? Affair becuse Im obviously still struggling in the relationship and work on together. Better or worse permit me to go out and do other stuff several! 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